"the book"

yes, I finally got "the book" from pauly when dani came out for the wedding...for those of you not in the know, "the book" was an idea conceived by one of my roommate's in which we would all write...something, I guess...that would prove we all had meaningful relationships in college...it sounded like an ok idea at the time (mostly because I love any excuse to buy a blank notebook), but I never got mine until the wedding, which made it a most interesting read, mostly because I had just seen most of those people at my wedding, had lost touch with others, and was given the chance to reflect on how ALL of our relationships had changed, and I've come away with a few things (without thinking about it in depth yet):

-I miss my friends horribly...I mean, I knew I missed them, but wow...I had no idea just how deeply I felt their absence. I haven't really made friends here, unless you count my volleyball team, my fleeting contact with the jaycees, and my coworkers (who are all old enough to be my parents), so between having them all with me again last weekend, and reading what they wrote to me 2.5 years ago, wow...I didn't realize how isolated I had become, between work and trying to get the hang of this whole adult thing
-in the last few months, I'd kind of lost myself...reading all these descriptions of me from a time when I was still defining who I am was actually refreshing...because, now that the wedding is gone, and I have to come to grips with the reality that is my not-so-fun job and get back to "normal" life, I'd been kind of floaty and unsure about what I'm doing...at least now I feel like I have something of a starting point in moving forward and "finding" myself again in my "new" identity
-I wish I was more of a phone person. I only like talking to people in person, or via email/IM, but I'm wishing there was more there for me...especially since, when I'm usually on email/IM, it means I'm doing something else on the computer, and can't focus on the conversation anyway...and there are so many people I miss and really should *call* more often, but I just really hate the phone :-p
-I wish I were back in school, because I feel like my ability to communicate has started sucking ass lately...and I don't know if it's because I go to fast and don't really think before I speak or write, but I felt so much smarter and in control at school than I do here...plus, someone else cleaned the bathroom for me at school :-p

I guess the biggest thing that I'm taking away from my first quick reading of "the book" (see, quick reading - I need to learn to slow down and be in the moment more instead of rushing everywhere...but I digress) is that I miss my friends so much more than I realized, and I miss having friends around here and groups to belong to...I thought I was getting something like that in the jaycees, but that didn't turn out the way I thought it would, so I feel like I'm back to even before square one...well, ok, maybe not that far back...I got to see a lot of friends at my wedding, and am hoping I can use momentum from that to actually keep in touch better than I did the last two years...but still :-p

and I'm sorry if the above is really rambly and poorly written...I'm not quite on my expressive game today :-p